Report

Following last year's 10-0 victory over a seemingly non-existent Stephenson side Hild Bede went into their first Crumble match of the season with a view to victory. They never looked like losing from the off. With Giles and Glomnes playing the role of proverbial rock at the back, Quinn, Hentschel and Mistry were free to pass the ball at will and create all sorts of wonderful chances in the attack.

A few easy balls were claimed by Pursey in goal, and it wasn't long before Hild Bede took the lead through a typically industriously worked goal from Hentschel. Chants of "USA USA USA!" filled the arena (or at least the third of pitch we were using) and Hild Bede's weekend of joy began. Chances presented themselves in abundance, with Mistry, Quinn and Hentschel all firing straight at the 'keeper on occasion.

A half-time promise from Hentschel to make more of one-on-one opportunities paid dividends in the second half, as she discovered the power possessed by her own left foot and scored another two with it. (The chanting of her country of origin again circulated.)

Again, chance upon chance presented itself until Mistry finally put her name on the score-sheet. Well, we don't actually write goal-scorers' names on the cards we hand in, but you know what I mean.

Indeed, so dominant were the Mooses and so solid were the back two, that Pursey took it upon herself to write a novel or two in goal. Whilst the gloves proved something of a hinderance, the first two novels of what will probably be a 5-story phenomenon are soon to be published by Macmillan, or possibly Bloomsbury; I haven't quite decided which sounds better yet…

Grace Penman came on for the understandably tired Lauren Hentschel, but her cameo appearance was a particularly short one. Indeed it lasted all of 5 seconds.

Upon the calling of time, the Mooses began some low-key celebrations, and an embittered Stephenson striker angrily fired into the back of the net. Stephenson will tell you that this goal stands. Pursey will tell you that it does not. Anybody who denies that her first proper stint in goal ended with a clean sheet is likely to meet a violent and probably unnecessarily amusing death.

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