‘Twas three weeks before Christmas
-A Moose-tinted version of Clement Clarke Moore’s Classic
‘Twas three weeks before Christmas and the cup game was on,
Not a student was clubbing, to the game they had gone,
The Mooses were ready and they wore their new kit,
Hoping to secure a big vict’ry in it,
The players were huddled all snug in their group,
With Pursey and Glomnes now hungry for soup,
And Hentschel was down; she was stretching her groin,
When along came young Tiggy- asked if he could join.
Then out on the pitch there began such a battle,
‘Tween a John’s girl and Hentschel (who’s not from Seattle,)
Away down the wing she flew like a flash,
Tore open the defence* and scored with a smash.
She continued until eighteen million were scored,
And she said “I enjoy playing football abroad,”
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Gianfranco Sotgiu, and Miss Sagar (Diya…)
With a little one-two, oh-so lively and quick,
They raced through the middle and scored in a tick.
More rapid than Eagles, or Cahill, or Scholes,
Between them they added another ten goals!
Now Glomnes! now, Limbrey! now, Chapman and Pursey!
Goals came from everyone in a blue jersey,
In the back of the net! Free kicks over the wall!
It could be described as a pretty good haul…
Armstrong scored one with a bicycle kick,
Whilst Moye impressed all with an Henry-esque flick,
Then Harris herself wanted in on the action,
And scored with a punt, much to her satisfaction.
Broadbent then added to the night’s lovely ardour,
And scored a phenomenal forty-five-yarder,
As the John’s girls kicked off yet again in the match,
Down the middle Miss Giles came to complete the snatch,
She raced down the pitch; the result was forgone,
With her left foot the centre-back scored with aplomb.
The ref soon lost count of the number of goals,
His numerical skills seemed worse than Graham Poll’s.**
But the Mooses cared not, for they knew they had won,
They continued to have indescribable fun,
They scored lots more goals, Harris made some great saves,
The crowd celebrated with Mexican waves.
A free kick from Chapman led her to rejoice,
A back flick was her celebration of choice,
Helene distracted the John’s girls with cake,
And sneakily scored one more goal on the break.
She wheeled to the crowd and she danced like an elf,
They laughed at her making a fool of herself.
The rest of the team shook their heads in dismay,
And continued their wonderful football display.
With Caroline keeping a clean sheet in nets
She looked better than Howard (and he has Tourette’s,)
Josephine Macintosh scored a few hundred,
The John’s girls looked on as their goalmouth was plundered.
With Tiggy then scoring the last as a sub,
The Mooses decided to go to the pub,
So up to the Big Jug the victors they flew,
They drank, they were merry, some ate Vindaloo...
They said their good-byes; of themselves they were proud,
And on the way home they were cheered by the crowd.
They hope you enjoy this delight they provide,
And they said “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” to Mooses worldwide.
*The odd syllabic stress here is actually appropriate due to the American nature of this stanza.
** If you’re not familiar with jokes about Mr Poll, see this link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2006/5108722.stm
This feature is currently in development but will be available soon.