Division 4-s answer to Claude Makelele, Emo is renowned for his inability to move from the centre circle and for his farmyard tackles.

Full Name: Emerson Richard Paul

Age: 32

Position: Once known as the Lenches equivalent to Makelele (i.e patrolled and kicked anything that moved within the centre circle) Unfortunately the legs have since gone and I am know known to make a 20 minute up front cameo (probably to the annoyance of the rest of the team!)

Team Supported: West Brom

Best football memory (playing): Its a toss up between scoring the winning goal at The Millenium Stadium or Winning division 4 with the Lenches. I suppose the former doesn-t really count as it was a jumpers for goal posts game during a pop concert so it must be the latter

Best football memory (non playing): Bob Taylor-s goal against Crystal Palace. We won the game 2-0 and got promoted to the Premier League for the first time at the expense of Wolves.

Footballing hero: Andy Hunt, Gary Lineker & Socrates

Compare yourself to a current professional player: Jon Parkin (Preston) Big, slow and overweight!

Which current professional footballer is, in your opinion, the most:

Underrated: James Collins

Overrated: Agbonlahoor

What has been your proudest moment? Birth of Caitlin

Which famous person, living or dead, would you most like to meet? Winston Churchill

What is your favourite film of all time? Star Wars

Name three bands or musicians that you like. Stone Roses, Oasis, U2

What’s your favourite TV programme? CSI New York

Marital status? Married

What’s your ideal first date? Not allowed to date anymore so couldn-t possible answer the question

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given? Bring me solutions not problems

Sum yourself up in a sentence : An undiscovered genius

Now dish the dirt on your team-mates and tell us what they are really like behind the scenes... (At the end of the season awards will be given to the winners!)

BEST TRAINER Luke Nevin

BIGGEST MOANER Being moaned at comes with the territory of trying to run a football team. The terraces regularly chant " You don-t know what your doing!" For being an every day moaner young Master Nevin is in a league of his own

HARDMAN James Beard

QUICKEST Conor Taylor although I-m one of the quickest 32 year olds at the club!

SLOWEST Me

FITTEST Otto Twist

THE JOKER Plenty think their funny. Very few are. Probably Southgate (aka Paul Harris)

MOST SKILFUL Fozzy

MOST INTELLIGENT Since Neil Roder phd retired I think I am next in line as I have quite a few letters after my name.

LEAST INTELLIGENT Ash Curnock (sorry but someone has to be nominated!)

WORST TASTE IN MUSIC - Neil Roder. I can-t stand all that heavy metal tripe he listens to

WORST FASHION SENSE - He-s only be seen once but Freddie Twist (Otto-s brother) would take some beating. That coat and shoes were horrendous. Otto dresses a little "preppy" in his cardigans and I haven-t seen Fozzy in his pink jumper lately either!

BEST DANCER : Ashley Curnock

AND WHO-S THE LONGEST IN THE SHOWER... Youngsters these days believe the "lynx effect" means they don-t have to shower. From a limited sample Mr Unwin takes the award. I just wish he would stop dropping his soap in the shower though!