FourFourTwo magazine review:
Although Jose Mourinho recently claimed that coaching youngsters was "the purest kind of football work", You'll Win Nothing With Kids suggests that there are striking similarities between training Northmeadow Under 14s and managing a Premiership side.
Just as in the big time, there's bickering on the touchline ("You have to wonder who these people think they are, screaming at the referee like it's the most important thing in the world..." White is told at a dinner party), arguments over who should be in the starting line-up ("My head is so full of stuff like whether Luke would be better off at full-back... it seems impossible that there can be any space in my brain left for anything else") and tricky man-management issues ("It was a cruel, unnecessary thing to do to a 12-year-old whose confidence made an eggshell look like tungsten").
Jim White's excellent account of a season in charge of a youth side demonstrates that rivalries and insecurities dominate grass-roots football too.
The strength of the book lies in White's ability not to take himself overly seriously - he refers to himself as "the prat on the sidelines" - whilst at the same time realising that for the kids themselves, gaining or losing their place in the team is a matter of the utmost importance.
His position as a respected broadsheet writer enables him to ask professionals their advice about coaching youngsters. United academy director Brian McClair insists that parental support is crucial, whilst Mourinho claims "the ball should do the work." White's ability to pick up on the apparently trivial - the ongoing issue of how to clear dog mess off the pitch ("Centre circle, apparently. Bloody hell. He's got some shot on him, that dog. Have we signed him up yet?") and committee rumblings about the extortionate price of a new kettle give also lend the book a small town feel.
As his side battle to avoid relegation, parent/coach White becomes increasingly wrapped up in the club's fortunes - proof that coaching at any level can become all consuming. A frequently hilarious and poignant read, You'll Win Nothing With Kids is essential reading for anyone brave enough to contemplate coaching football at a grassroots level.
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