Report

Economicals. I'm sure I've played all of their 8 teams in my time at old Ts. Can't remember winning any of them. They are a big club, with nice pitches but comprise a bunch of soggy-biscuit-playing toffs.

Anyway, with a strong quad of players looking to carry the great pre-season into the first game, we met in high spirits with the motivation to put one over the team that pipped us to the title in the previous season. A glance around the squad saw Si Thomas sporting a bandaged up hand - the result of boxing a cardboard cut-out Al Humphrey that he has in his bedroom; Leyton, dressed as Tom Hanks in Castaway (but obviously been eating quite well over the summer) and Halliday with umpteen stitches in his head from the 2pac ‘thuglife’ he lives outside of football.

With Elias making his Old T’s II debut in goal, the back four started with special K (Kieran Keegan) right back, Greg left back and Tom and Fletch in the centre. John Gregory, Boro, Si Thomas and Leights made up the midfield with Osric Powell and Luke Fry up front. A strong team, with a strong bench that included  Chris Boden,  Chris Lang, Martin Hill and Gordon ‘Father Boro’ Rowntree.

It was clear from the off that Economicals, despite the nice pitch underneath their feet, were not set for playing proper football. The endless long balls and hoofs up top was their only means of trying to unlock the T’s defence. Time after time though the Old Ts stayed strong winning header after header and providing the bricks and mortar style wall in front of burrito-dreaming Elias in-between the sticks.  Oz was doing a lot of running up top across their defence but we just couldn't find him with our final ball. We needed to keep the ball on the deck, use Si in the middle for his Gepetto string pulling capabilities and get the ball to Luke Fry's feet to bring in others around him. That we did in the first half on a couple of occasions with good one-touch build up down the left hand side by Leights and Si, only for the final ball to lack any penetration like Leights and his 16 year old girlfriend on a Friday night after the movies.

Second half was different, we started sharply. We nabbed the ball from their kick off (or maybe a couple of minutes later) and with Jon Gregory setting the speeding Osric Powell down the right hand side of the pitch, Ozzy went for a shot on goal but like the retard that he is, dragged the ball away from goal and into Luke Frys feet. With an immaculate control, Fry unselfishly laid the ball on a plate to Si who had timed his baby-stepped run into the box to perfection. The ball was then caressed into the bottom corner. 1-0 and well deserved.

More defensive duties followed after many a long ball into the box but the four Gandalfs at the back and their the 'you shall not pass' mentality prevailed with each and every one of their attacks gunned down by the Old Ts superb defence. With Si now seeing more of the ball and causing more trouble to the Economicals midfield, Boro uncharacteristically found himself in an unusual amount of space. It was then, after great play from leights (or lang?) down the left hand side that Osric ‘loves a step over but doesn’t fool anyone’ Powell unintentionally and luckily shinned the ball into Boro’s path on the edge of the area. With fear of a nose bleed and with father Boro watching, the fight or flight reaction took place as he managed to beat one man in the area before being brought down for a stone wall penalty. The Vladimir Klitschko lookalike (cheers Fish) was down for the count but the man in the referees costume, and fellow BFF of every single Economicals player did nothing. Stuart Halliday couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Thuglife part 2 was about to commence.

The referee continued to give some dodgy decisions and the Economicals team continued to moan about every little thing. Yes Elias shouted ‘my ball’ instead of ‘keepers ball’ as he scooped the ball up from the ground with no one at all around him, but shouting your head off for a penalty as if he had just given your striker a Columbian neck-tie in the 6 yard box is a bit much you bunch of w@nkers.

Ts continued to have a lot of possession on the ground with Chris ‘Darren AndertOwen Hargreaves’ double knee braced up beating half the Economicals right sided team, only for the final shot to be saved by the keeper.

It was not long after that Economicals equalised, not through any pretty football, but from a tap in from a corner (I think) as the old Ts team lost concentration for the only time in the game. Undeserved.

As Si tried to score from the resulting kick off (has anyone ever scored one of them?) substitute Martin Hill was trying to get into the game more as Osric ‘pathetic bleep test score’ was falling flat. We do the bleep test for a reason in pre-season and maybe if we were to play this game again, the gaff might have subbed Ozzy instead of the inform Luke Fry. Still we had chances though and Lang and Si were linking up well, particularly from a quick corner kick where Si found himself at the edge of the area only to scuff wide of the mark.

As Economicals continued to punt the ball up field, and after many a long throw into the box to their tall strikers, the Economicals persistence paid off. An initial flick-on was met with another header to put the game 2-1 to the home side. Nightmare.

With minimal time left to play the Old Ts did their best to battle for the draw, but to no avail. The ref I think played a part in the loss with his lack of consistency and favourable decisions to the home team (not the views of Old Thorntonians, the views of Mark Rowntree) but I know that the Onions are capable of a lot more. We are twice as good as they are and on our day, which will be in the corresponding home fixture later this season, I am sure, no I am certain that we will smash a handful past them.

The defence of Tom, Greg, Fletch and Kieran put in a great shift. All were solid on the floor and brilliant in the air but man of the match went to Nick Lehane who was sat at home watching the Arsenal Blackburn game...