Report

Woolsery 4--3 Park United

I know that it's late in the week lads but I only got told today that I had to do this match report. Maybe we should've got Browner to write this report, with his chest, not his hands obviously !!
I sit writing this tonight thinking that we should have won our last game of 2011/12 but after going 2 nil up early on, we all thought that it was game over, how wrong we were. We had a very bright start with Geoffrey Skinner bagging a very smart brace (shame you didn't get the golden boot skins, but maybe you will .......) but after that it was pretty much downhill all the way to the final whistle. To be fair their first goal was a well taken header from a good free kick, which was very hard to defend and left James Greentea with no chance to save. Their second came from a penalty which again left Greentea with little chance (But you did save one last week James so we'll let you off this week). We then concede a free kick which was very harsh just outside the box. Their centre half takes it who found the smallest of gaps through the wall and we are 3-2 down before half time.
  We then went over to the touchline for half time to be greeted by Tractor and Trailer aka Boo and Bob, aka Grandad and great Grandad (you decide who's who there) aka Abdul and His Mate. Just when I thought that things couldn't get any worse I remembered why they had a kit on. They were our subs. Now we all normally look to our bench for a fresh pair of legs, not 2 wrinkly old timers who 'can still show us a thing or 2', what that exactly means I don't know, you will have to ask them. Joking aside they must both be congratulated for completing 136 years in football between them, so well done you two and I would like to say on behalf of Park United thank you both for the time and effort that you have put in this season.
   Right, back to the match. I think that in the second half, after reminding ourselves of our subs, we all pulled our socks up and fought the bag of wind with every tackle but after having Browner sent off (for the first time in his life) we were always going to be up against it. Nevertheless we battled on and were rewarded a penalty when Tractor went down (in stages) in the area. Happy days we are back level with 10 men. (I think that it was Ron who scored the penalty, I was in the changing room corridor watching from a distance, so if it was you Ron, then well done, but if it wasn't you Ron then well done to whoever took it). As I,m puttimg on my wig, white socks and sandles I hear a roar which meant that we had conceded a late goal to lose 4--3. Unlucky boys, not a fair result in my eyes and was quite controversial at times.
  Boys, I think that we can all take pride this season as it is Park United's highest ever finish, which is obviously alot better than last season as we were saved from relegation by the skin of our teeth. It's been a good season all in all and I sincerely hope that all of you who were new to the club this season have enjoyed it and will come back next season. So I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all from myself and all committee members for making it a good season. Lets come back next year and win it !! Enjoy your summer off but keep your fitness up !!
Oh, I nearly forgot, i'll see you all for our little shin dig at the weekend for half a shandy, after we have benn archery and go-karting in our swimwear. I hope you all emnjoy it and thank you Bloodbath for taking it off of my hands this season. Have a good un boys,
   Love ya all
    Yours sincerely
    James Lee
    Park United secretary
xx

Player watch;
James Greentea- Couldn't do anything about the goals but a real find by the Gaffer, it's nice to have a regular keeper between the sticks
Tony Moyse- Great wig, actually looked like your own hair, and the rest of the clothes looked normal on you. Great asset to the squad this year, albeit a late addition and a no-show at South Molton
Marc Austin- Got kicked alot again for the second game running which ultimately put him out of the Bideford 10K which pleased Ron as he knew that he didn't have to compete against an olympic standard athlete
Chinks New- Some great tackling all game, not looking forward to Saturday though
Karl with a K Clements- Done alot of running and played well, but we all found out why he wore his hat under his wig 
Ron Hill- As usual had great touch and scored a pen (which I have now had confirmed to me) then went on to run the Bideford 10K the following day in a great time of 41 summink
Sammy Shute- Mr Versatile completes every position played this season apart from between the sticks, which is good as he's worse than Luke in goal
Tiago Stewart- Back in the team after missing his only game of the season against pilton midweek. The guy's regular
Geoffrey Skinner- Weighed in with his usual goals a plenty and looked like one half of Waynes World in his wig
Kenneth Brown- First sending off of his career was too much to take, he couldn't face putting his white socks back on after that
Jimmy Lee- Getting toooo old
  Subs
Boo- Old
Bob- Older
Luke- Tired
  Supporters
Fozzy- Kept shouting encouragement and drinking
Bucky- Says he's getting maried, but no-ones had an invite
Hayner- Oh no, I forgot, he weren't there. BGB.
Malcolm Skinner- Been to more games than Queen Kenny Dalglish
  Manager
Peter Yarde- Without this guy the club wouldn't be here. Fact.