Report

Sat 10th September 2011 – Horndean Hawks (Away).

Portchy stumbled into their 118^th season with a first game defeat at the hands of a less than impressive Horndean Hawks side.

In a repeat of last seasons Len Day Cup Semi-Final tie both sides took the field in wet and blustery conditions – usually reserved for Dan Canning’s toilet exploits.

The Portchy squad was a few players short (Martin, Rowan ooops, wrong type of short) due to work commitments, injuries and plain old ‘can’t be F*****G arsed’. However, the first five minutes were typically poor by both sides. Nothing much was happening apart from some headless chicken passes and the giving away of possession and endless throw-in’s – although Portchy did string-together a pass in the 5^th minute.

One of these on 8 mins saw the Hawks go in front; a long throw from the right skimmed off the head of the luckless debutant Mike Hoar and was nodded home by a swooping striker, despite the vain efforts of Portchy’s newly-crowned No. 1 (who will have a difficult job this season filling Stu’s old shirt – he will have to eat hundred’s of pies!). 1-0.

Portchy stirred and had the better of the play for the next 10 mins uncohesively forcing the Hawks to defend with Rowan ‘Fred’ West murdering their back four with his pace and tenacity. His efforts rubbed-off on Lewis ‘Mush’ which dispossessed the Hawks right-back on 18 mins and slid a pass to Ashton Church who 'altered' his stride and crowned his debut by slotting home from the left to equalise. 1-1.

Just two minutes later Nathan ‘Slash ’Taylor (although reported to be a capable guitarist ‘Slash’ being for his urinating prowess!) swiped a back pass through the long grass towards No. 1 as the crowd (both of them) held their breath a Hawks striker swept Kes-like and collected the ball attempting to round the keeper, but No.1 was up to the challenge spreading himself to deflect the goalbound effort for a corner. From the corner Slash was forced to clear from the line as the Hawks smelt blood.

On 23 mins a deflected long punt forward by Mr Ed caught the wind and bounced over the on-rushing Hawks keeper, as the ball sped towards the unguarded net ‘Fred’ West was left frustrated as the ball hit the post and went for a corner.

From the resulting Portchy corner the Hawks broke on the left exposing No.1 who had no choice but to confront the Hawks winger outside the box wide on the right, he crossed the ball to his unmarked partner who fired home. 2-1.

As the game then drifted into almost mind-numbing boredom as the minutes passed a hours and on 41 hours newcomer Rich Barnes saw the hard-working ‘Fred’ burst into space and found him with a precise pass (YES A PASS!), he sped clear and as the keeper went to ground, he perfectly timed his chip over him and buried the ball (and a few bodies) into the gaping net. 2-2.

Right on the half-time whistle Portchy’s No.1 made a stunning double-save as his first block from a stinging shot was followed up with an equally fierce drive from short-range, he pushed it clear with a diving save. Half-time 2-2.

The first ten minutes of the second half were instantly forgettable…..oh S**T I have nothing to write, I forgot.

55 mins a nothing ball ended at the feet of a Hawks striker looking strangely offside, he finished as everyone (himself included) thought that the whistle would blast. 3-2.

Two mins later ‘Fred’ was unlucky not to ‘dig-up’ a second for himself a when he rounded the Hawks keeper he slotted home the ball but it was cleared before it crossed the line. This was Portchy’s last real attempt at goal although on 65 mins Portchy's best move of the match involving Lewis 'Mush', MDS and a foraging run by Shep should have produced an end product.

The rest of the match saw No. 1 make three more great saves which kept the score respectable.

In summary we have had worse starts. The league is wide-open this season and with players returning there is every chance that Portchy will challenge for silverware this season.

Final Score: Horndean Hawks 4 v 2 Portchester FC