Brainchild of Colin Evans & Steve Wright (Yep, it’s them you blame) they wanted one last shot at a season of football. In a meeting at the ‘Prettygate’ Pub with Matt Thomas, in March’05, they said they had no great ambitions at winning games, let alone trophies, and would Matt manage the side (which just confirmed they didn’t want to win anything!).

After calling around to find out who wanted to play and who was up for one last hurrah we finally accumulated around 15 weekly players and 8(ish) now and theners (a highly underrated bunch when you are down to 11 on a Sunday!). So we had what was loosely termed as a team and went into the season hoping to win more than we would lose.... some chance.

There were a couple of pre-season games. One 2-2 draw with Tolleshunt Darcy. Frankly they were one of the worst teams most of us had seen, until we realised that they had outplayed us for parts of the match.... at this point we realised we were in trouble! The second pre-season game was against Hythe Ath. We won by several and looked okay all of a sudden. Then an abandoned game, after 25 mins, against Kelvedon- who were more intent on injuring our players (cue 1 broken leg) than beating us on the pitch...which they surely would have done. It was this game that confirmed that Steve Wright should never be seen playing up front ever again!

The opening game, against Northgate Res, was a nightmare from start to finish. It was bloody hot and not conducive to hangovers. Unfortunately several of the players had just that, and along with whining about the 3-5-2 formation and changing to 4-4-2 for the 2nd half(Ross finally smiled...) a few players being sick at half time and some ridiculous decision by the manager to play Kieran up front, we lost 3-0- thank Christ we didn’t expect to do well this season....

The next game against SATO was another eye opener. I don’t think I have been involved in many games where we completely destroyed the opposition but scraped a draw. A last minute equaliser by SATO didn’t reflect the amount of missed chances and possession we had. Another 2 points dropped. A better Sunday followed with a 4-0 win in the League cup against Torquespeed. Then...Byair. After beginning the morning with 15 players, 3 then didn’t turn up, 3 got injured during the match and we effectively finished with 9 men...Oh, and a 1-3 defeat. One point from 3 games and anchored in the bottom 3 of the bottom division.... christ, we were shite. It was at this point that the management really questioned whether some of the players had gone on one season too far. Had Colin come back too early from his shoulder injury? Jag, Jon & Kieran got whooped in the Byair game by their quick forward (which he showed was not a fluke later in the season!) & Jagger had never looked so slow. Mark Sumner was still fat, the strikers, despite getting chances, couldn’t get the luck of the Irish or hit a barn door & we were looking at a few of the players being out injured for a few weeks/months.

Well, what more do you want than players begging to play for a quality manager? We signed a striker that could score one or two and another fat whining midfielder whose arm was the only one lardy enough to wear the captains armband. All of a sudden the season started turning. When Matt told Steve that Darren would score 30-40 goals by the end of the season, Steve thought he had been on the scotch again. Darren’s first game contained just the one goal in the 2-2 cup draw (and subsequent loss on penalties to Colne Star- Steve missed the important one, by the way... And should I mention Matt’s effort from his own half that missed by a yard...no, better not....) It was only 3 games later and 7 subsequent goals from Darren, that Steve saw the potential in Matt’s prediction...

November saw 4 wins, 21 goals & 2 against. Up to mid-table and wins against 2 teams that ended up in the top 5- the second of which should have a special mention for Mark Bagley who won man of the match against Borussia Thorpmund in our 4-1 win... despite Mr Revie scoring all 4 goals...how he whinged!

December started with our league cup game against Blackhammer. Top of the Premier Division at the time, this would really show what kind of standard we were at now that our defence was tight again, the midfield over-running teams and the strikers hitting the net- even Bart, who had got a hat-trick against Metzler in the previous round! In a tight game we won 4-1 aet- as happened often, our superior fitness told later in the game. Blackhammer’s striker, Scott Page, got sent off for kicking our ‘keeper but the referee, we later heard, was convinced by Blackhammer not to process the paperwork- no bloody wonder they got the Essex F.A’s fair-play award if that’s how they deal with indiscretions…. Anyway....4-1... so suck it up, muppets!

By the New Year we had progressed to the top 4 and were in the process of a 13 game winning run. Special mention to the defensive performances of the back 6(whoever they were at any given time) in only conceding 10 goals in this sequence- at this standard, to let so few goals in whilst attacking so often, & against some good sides, is quality- and none of the 10 were Kieran, Jon or Jag’s fault...or so they advised us...

March was the important month. Two cup semis and 2 very tricky league games. Bramwell, in the first Semi, were more competitive than expected and we ended up scraping through to the Final of the Osborne Cup with a 2-1 score-line. Phoenix, the following week, were probably our toughest opponents of the season and had we taken a few more chances in the first half we may have got a result. As it happened we lost 2-3 but Colin had one of his heroic games in goal, breaking his nose on the opposition forwards knee, worrying the ref into wanting call an ambulance, the lifeguard coming out to save Jagger from drowning in colin's blood & then Colin carrying on like normal. Stupid or brave.... you decide! Two crucial league wins followed. The first against Byair when the defence reincarnated their ‘early in the season’ Fred Karno performances during various stages of the game. The second, a last minute win against Lexden which put us in the luxury position of finally having the potential of a league win in our own hands- who cares if one of our players was humping the Lexden defender to keep him on the floor so Darren could score? The ref saw nothing wrong....

Subsequent wins against B/Thorpmund and Muskett left us needing a win from our last 2 games. Before that, though, a small matter of the Osborne Cup final, where despite the lack of Jelly Babies, a pre-match warm-up & Lexden nicking our orange juice at half time, we still whooped their asses 3-2! Fortunately Lexden had placed special training discs on the pitch for their pre-match warm-up which also indicated where the losers picked up their medals... which was helpful..! (Thanks to Lexden who were good competition all season in a tough division).

A diabolical game against Colne Star, losing 0-3, left FWA needing a win against Torquespeed in the final game of the season. This was taken a little too literally and a 28-0 win followed. This 'Roy Castle' moment included a league record score(28), most goals in a game by an individual (12 by Darren 'I could have got 25 on my own' Revie) and most different scorers in one game (12- the less said about Bart & Sumner the better....).

There was a bit of moaning during the season by those who were subs- Jon Barker was King Moaner & King Flag-waver- but, shit, it would be strange if people enjoyed not starting games and having to do the line- it is appreciated guys so Darren will buy you all a drink on Presentation night.... . Bryan didn’t bother turning up a couple of times but that’s alcoholic children for you and he never moaned once.... are you listening Milky Bar Kid?! We dived into the transfer market twice during the season by signing Tav & Steve Turner from Newtown Res. Newtown are paying us large amounts to keep them next season which will hopefully keep Rob in catalogue clothes.

From an early season expectation to struggle, the team turned around and did a league and cup double. I’ve never been part of a team with better team spirit and players that still put in 100%, even if they are playing rubbish- apart from Lexden away and Colne Star at home! I guess, bearing in mind so many players became Terry’s son by the end of the season, it was almost family-like... though we all know who his favourite was!

It was a pleasure to play all the teams in our division this season. It might sound easy to say after winning the division but there were relatively few dirty challenges, let alone any dirty games- which after playing sides that wanted to hack for 90 minutes in previous years, ensured injuries were kept to the minimum- being able to go to work the next day is high on the list of priorities!

With a sponsor secured for next season, and players seemingly keen to play on, let’s go again..... cue a Doctor Who style regeneration where Fenn Wright Albion morphs into ‘Huntmans Tavern’...... ‘Wooooo waaa woooooo….woooo waaahhh wooooo’.