1.A rather dim fan arrives at a football match midway through the second half. "What's the score?" he asks his friend as he settles into his seat. "Nil-nil," comes the reply. "And what was the score at half-time?" he asks. 2. Blame the parents Three fans were bemoaning the fact that their team kept losing and was facing relegation. "I blame the manager" said the first, "if he would sign new players then we could be a great side" "I blame the players" said the second, "if they made more effort I am sure we would score more goals" "I blame my parents", added the third, " if I'd been born in another town I'd be supporting a decent team!
Why couldnt the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ?He had no body to go with Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ?Your teeth What does Father Christmas call that reindeer with no eyes?No-eyed-deer!. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?Its Christmas, Eve What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?"Looks like rein dear".
Hereâ€™s two seat in the stand jokes for November 1. Bernie and Eddie were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (K37) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Bernie went to the ticket office and asked if they could by buy the season ticket for K37. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing Day, much to Bernie and Eddie's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Eddie could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. Don't ask he said, the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present. 2. Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool; Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat - next to Michael. 'Who does that seat belong to?' asked the person in the next seat. 'My wife usually sits there.' Michael replied 'But why isn't she here?' the neighbour persisted 'She died.' Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone. 'So why didn't you give the ticket to one of your mates?' 'They've all gone to the funeral.' Said Michael.
What part of a football pitch smells nicest ? The scenter spot ! Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space ? Because there is no atmosphere ! What's the chilliest ground in the premiership ? Cold Trafford ! How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle ? Somebody took a corner ! What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas ? Ince pies ! What does a footballer and a magician have in common ? Both do hat tricks ! Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar ? All of them, a crossbar can't jump ! Why are football players never asked for dinner ? Because they're always dribbling ! Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear ? Because he liked sole music !
This feature is currently in development but will be available soon.