Rich's View! vs Roebuck Gate

Having been told that this side were "the lot from the Ukraine" many SLL players were not sure what to expect on the drizzley Sunday morning. Would they speak English? Would they swear at us in another language? Would they have pony tails and leather jackets? After expecting a bunch of exotic looking Johnny foreigners SLL were left disappointed as although many of the players looked liked they were from the old Eastern Block they seemed like any other group of lads on a Sunday morning. In fact they would probably have preferred not to have had any ties with the Ukraine as I feel compelled to draw comparisons between all previous instances of Ukrainian football being brought to our fair shores.

1st up was Sergei Rebrov. A snip at £11m when that was still a sizeable amount of money, especially to relegation fodder Tottenham. Rebrov's impressive CV was purely based on the fact that he played on the same pitch as Andrei Shevchenko who went onto to win further accolades and recognition for his goal scorong ability for AC Milan. Rebrov proved to basically be rubbish. Did he even score? He did notch once for West Ham apparently. Rebrov might have faired better in the Stevenage Sunday League but probably only because SLL can't defend a 12 goal margin to save their lives.

2nd up is Andrei Shevchenko. Cost slightly more at £30m. The best player in the world until we actually got to see him play. His story makes me think there is hope for us all. Lets go on holiday, come back and say how good we are at football and get signed by a Premiership team. Thats effectively what happened with these two jokers. They were really good until people actually started watching them play which spelled the end to their diabolical ruse.

3rd and finally was the pony tailed one - Andrei Voronin. Didn't cost anything which was lucky as he was worse than the others. Scored loads of goals in friendlies but was rubbish when people actually could be bothered to play against him.

Roebuck Gate managed to continue the Ukraine's impressive exploits in England by getting savaged 12-3. To be fair, it was their own fault. They scored first which seemed to be the wake up call required to get SLL's season back on track. "This clearly was the kick in the gonads that we needed" said Dave Drackford. Tom Bilton echoed these sentiments when musing "It was like a slap in the face, if they hadn't scored first we might have settled for a 3-0 win. Well 3-1 or 2 because we can't keep clean sheets."

In fact, Bilts has scored as many goals this season as SLL have had clean sheets. Gambling addict John Tilbrook may be sizing up the odds of Bilts scoring more goals than SLL have clean sheets. Could be an interesting bet... Jason Drackford is one man happy to take on the bet "as long as Bilts ain't allowed pens."

Onlsow Woods, made a dramatic impact again by being part of the defence that managed to concede two goals in two minutes immediately after his appearance on the pitch. Big man Bix was drafted into centre back to allow Onslow to play in his familiar left back role. Bix got straight onto the youngster by reminding him not to go wandering. Two minutes later Woods was found off the pitch behind the opponent's goal. "I was getting the ball" said Onslow.

Allan Prescott was heard several times starting the chorus of we've got Sharpy, we don't care after the curly haired ones impressive return. The golden boot race is hotting up between Sharpy and Jason but no one else is bothered or at least pretending to care as no one else has a hope of scoring more than 10 goals this season. Especially due to some goals inexplicably not being accredited to the goal scorer. I am of course talking about my goal. My only one this season on sunday mornings. Big Al Prescott, has neglected to give me the goal on the club website. Conspiracy theories have been flung about but it boils down to one thing, Big Al has yet to score. He was substituted before the said goal was expertly dispatched by a player that never gets to cross the half way line even at corners. That job normally lies at the large feet of Big Al who is clearly jealous that a fellow defender managed to score when it would have been him in that position if he were still on the pitch.


Jamie Drackford, enjoyed another win and this time managed to call his team the right colour which for the man of many hair styles is quite impressive. Jamie pulled off an impressive double move of calling an opponent a c**t whilst delivering a through ball. Previously an unseen technique. Perhaps Ronaldo will pick that one up.

Keeper Lil Al must have been bored at times during the game as he had little to despite the fact the opposition scored three times. In fact, Lil Al conceded more goals than he recieved pass backs. "I let the goals in to spice things up a bit. Its boring watching the boys scoring all the goals all the time. I'm actually pretty good out on pitch but does anyone let me come out? No. They're all really selfish. Its just like being at school again. I always got put in goal."

James Batchelor, capped an impressive display with 2 goals which means that he only has one worry over the next couple of weeks... "No one is telling what they are wearing to the Christmas do. They reckon they have all got their fancy dress outfits sorted but some of them must be lying. They are out of order anyway. They won't even give me any ideas. My mum said she would make me an outfit but the last time she did that was for the nativity play at primary school. I was a lamb. I never get a good part." Batch rambled on about cotton wool outfits and seemingly forgot what he was talking about. I left him to it.

Overall it was an impressive performance against inferior opposition. The question is, can SLL deliver in the big games when the opponents have the ability to kick the ball?