Stuart Housley or the 'Gimp man child' as he better known to his collegeaues has been hanging around this club for far too long.

Although Stuart believes he wanted, he is in fact hated, violently hated. Unlike his fellow retard and partner, Paul Burrow, Stuart does not apply himself to the same degree. Instead Stuart is lazy, abusive and often perverted in his endevours. He has been known to apply the corner flag up his poo column and dance erratically to Fleetwood Mac. This behaviour fails to amuse the other members of the team, to such a degree that they have requested that Stuart finds another, more liberal club, open to his somewhat unusual past times.

In saying all of this, what cannot be disputed is Stuart's footballing ability. Stuart has the ability to take on players and has a great shot. Infact, that is all that Stuart does. He seems to lack the ability of passing the ball to a fellow colleague. He is a real ball greedy c**t. A fellow player once overheard him speaking to a fellow selfish bas***d, Tom Carey, stating that 'he yearned the ball more than he yearned the rectum of his partner, Paul Burrow'.

In summation, Stuart....F**k off.